ONEBIGTAGBOARD

I sniffed the air again

2010-07-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight while training I sniffed the same smell again. I caught the smell in the wind. Couldn’t find the person when I executed a leap in that direction. I’m beginning to feel excited (80%), disgusted(10%), itching for a fight (5%) and a little confused (5%).
I was so disturbed in fact, that I halted my training and ran down to where the security guard was.

“Eh boss. You seen anyone around here?”

“No lah I didn’t. Boss, not to worry, this place is safe with me,” he declared, patting his burly chest and smiling warmly, his white teeth showing underneath his moustache (he’s got a mean masculine moustache, not like me. I shave once in three weeks).

Yeah right I thought. Some intruder is lurking nearby and you don’t even know... then again if even I, Jeshy, couldn’t catch him/her, how’d I expect a mere unskilled human security guard to do so?

Oh well, there’s always a next time to find out who this person is. Till then I’ve got to keep up with training. Trying to slim down. Thinking of fitting into some spandex suit that’s way too tight right now.

Will try a little bit of training on the i-gallop at home too. When no one else is home I usually set it to vibration mode, stand on it with one leg and do flying crane kicks. I’m gonna try doing a one arm stand tomorrow while slashing imaginary enemies with my katana. The one Enos used to kill a cockroach. Poor thing. But not my fault. Already warned them to stay away when my friends visit. That one should have learnt earlier to obey without delay.

Rooftop Training and a Secret Admirer?

2010-07-19T19:08:00.001-07:00

While practising my take down moves on the roof yesterday I sniffed the air and smelt someone close by. I don’t know who. Even with my lightning quick reflexes, I couldn’t find anyone. I’m getting suspicious. I wonder if I’m being watched while training. Does anyone who’s not within my circle of trust know that I am a superhuman being? And if so, what nefarious motive could he or she have for observing me? Perhaps it is a lady admirer (80% chance), or perhaps it is the major (10% chance) or perhaps it is some terrorist (5% chance) or perhaps some strange, unknown thing (5% chance).

Back to the more trivial issues in life. While no one was looking yesterday I threw the Pandan cake down the rubbish chute. A sigh of relief. Minor victory of the day.

Back to training every night. I’m inspired by Donnie Yen movies.

Except that I’m about ten times faster.

Beat that.

Training Hard

2010-07-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

I’ve been training hard these last few days.

So it’s been hair in the morning and day and shadow boxing in the night. That’s the good thing about living in Singapore. Not too much crime to fight, so I get more time to train. I wouldn’t want to involve myself too much in law enforcement here anyway. Imagine me being called down to HDB estates to tell noisy neighbours to keep quiet. Yikes. (Then again, given my newly discovered power, I could just send swarms of Blattarian friends flying in their direction to chase them away. Eh, no. That’d make even more noise).

One of my favourite training locations is the rooftop. Open space. No one would think that I’d train there too. The security guard uncle is puzzled that I go to church so often. He probably finds it weird that he sees me go in but never sees me go out. That’s because my method of exit is to jump off the roof into the private estate next door before scaling my way down the wall.

Why, you may ask? I just think that it’s more cool.

As a side note, today someone gave my family a Pandan cake. Yucks.

Powers examined

2010-07-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

I was playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance with Jon Tay, Tai Yong and Enos a couple of days ago when I began to wonder whether I’ve fully understood all my powers.

Okay, I know I have superhuman strength. I know I have the ability to see in near-zero light conditions (the trade-off is that you'll often find me squinting in the day time- I tell you it's astigmatism but that's nonsense). I don't find garbage smelly. I have impossibly fast reflexes and a queer amount of bloodlust that I can't put my finger on. I know that I grow stronger when I feel the anger and I fight better. But I'm not too sure whether it's a natural thing for me or due to Blattarian abilities. After all, do cockroaches get angry?

I don't think I'll try flying any time soon. I am slightly scared of heights despite having cleared airborne fifty times over (I close my eyes when I jump and after I've crossed the point of no return adrenaline sees me through.)

Well, I may have discovered something new about myself.

I’m not entirely sure but at my void deck the other day I saw one of those creatures. My Blattarian friend.

I don’t know why but I felt the urge to try to communicate something to it telepathically. Just a try. No one would know.

And looking at it straight I thought “stop” (yes, how cool is that! I just thought the word stop.) And it stopped right there.

Then I tried again. Fly.

It lift off the ground, black wings beating the air furiously.

Eyeing Joseph coming up the stairs directly behind me, I proceeded to try a more specific command. Now my Blattarian friend. Fly straight in my direction without stopping.

And it did.

Flashing a cheek- Jeshy grin I executed a nifty duck.

You should have heard the poor guy behind me squeal.

It made my day, it really really did. I slept well that night, the squeal reverberating in my mind like a favourite song in loop.

Wait, that sounded so un-hero like.

Ah whatever, it still made my day.

More hair and shampoo tomorrow! I really love this job. Make hair, not war.

First Blood

2010-07-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen me receive a phone call, contort my face in discomfort and start moving away from the crowd? And whenever you try to talk to me I hold up my hand to tell you I’m too busy with the conversation? And then you turn around to talk to each other, turn back to find me and realize I’m gone?

Or have you ever arranged to meet up with me and then received an SMS from me going something like, “Bro… I’m really really sorry. Can’t join you, I’m busy” Even though I had agreed to meet up with you days before?

Like I always say. I’m really really sorry guys. (sorry Tai Yong I pang-sehed you on Sunday… I’ve been pang-sehing you one time too many… sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. I'll try to be a better friend than this... that was too much of me really... all this while...). And to whomsoever-else it may concern (I don't try to keep a list of people I pang seh okay? My head gets giddy when I try to keep count). Look I'm sorry okay? I'm truly sorry. So sorry.

Sorry that was too much sorry-ing. Ooops. There again. Sorryyyy... (gives an apologetic Jeshy I'm-so-helpless-can-do-nothing-about-what-I-already-did half-smile, half-wince).

Had to go save the world all those times.

Literally. Not funny. Don’t laugh y’all.

Let me share one of those incidents with you alright…

Before I even begin I’ll have you all know that if any of you were caught in the Orchard Road floods you should be really grateful. It ought to have been much worse. How do I know?
Well I know because I am Jeshy.

No prizes for that question. But I’ll tell you what I know.

I’d received notice that someone was messing with the pump room in an undisclosed location. In other words, a terrorist was trying to sabotage our water supply. I found out because I’ve cleverly been tapping a few vital phone lines. A superhero who works by himself still needs his feed of evil-fighting information doesn't he?(Which also explains why I listen to calls so quietly and so often these days. I’m actually listening out for urgent security threats of national proportions.)

I got to the pump room before the police did. Scurried in via a different sewer and found my way through total darkness. (The smell didn’t get to me because I’m part Blattaria. Scurrying through all sorts of weird places has also become second nature to me). And when the four or five saboteurs got there… well… let’s just say they found themselves greeted with a warm welcome reception.

I drew blood and I did it myself. The cops came to clean up in a few minutes. Fortunately for us all, all the saboteurs managed to get their hands on was some pump leading to the drainage system that directs water away from Orchard Road. I’d wanted to do something to rectify the damage on the broken pump. But by the time I'd finished off the saboteurs and helped myself to five packets of Nasi Briyani and tao huay (their lunch), it was way too late. By then I could smell the cops coming.

Had to make a quick enough getaway. Didn't want to get myself into trouble for doing good did I?

As I came out of the sewerage I must have smelled like you-know-what. But I couldn't quite smell it myself. Fortunately for me, it was a really rainy day. The rain washed it all off. Whistling happily, I sauntered home.

Checked my phone.

5 missed messages. Goodness I'd pang-sehed Caleb for a gym-ing session again. Drats.

"Sorry Caleb... really really really sorry. Make it up to you with my mom's Shepherd Pie okay?

Alright that’s all for now. Would have wanted to put in more vivid details, but I need to rush to work now.

Besides, the authorities did a cover-up (pffttthhhh Orchard Road floods a result of unexpected amount of rainfall and some drainage issues? LOL C'mon how often does that happen?) and it wouldn't be too nice of me to say anything too specific now would it?

On a lighter note... should I get my hair dyed pink? I love the colour pink so much. Pink shirted teddy bear, pink boxers with pretty yellow flowers, pink err… oops I’ve revealed too much already.

Then again a real man must be man enough to show his feminine side yeah?

And who is more real a man than I, Jeshy.

See my biceps.

The deltoids.

Now the pecs. I can make them twitch. See? Left right left right left right.

Here me roar.

Goodness really gotta go. Gotta stop looking in the mirror...

Okay okay I'll stop blogging now, if not I'll be late, even though I can sprint from my house to Tanah Merah in two minutes if I employ Blattarian speed.

Ciaos.

First inklings

2010-07-04T04:03:00.000-07:00

I work alone. I don’t need weapons. I am a weapon. I don’t need friends to fight by me. They just stand in the way and get hurt.

So you must be quite curious how I began to think like this.

It began in the summer of 2010. It was a Sunday.

I’d made the choice to leave my unit. I’d also decided that I no longer wanted to be used as a weapon in the hands of violent men. And so I had tendered my resignation.

Decided I needed to spend some time with my younger brothers. (The top brass had already sent me on a few more missions and gone wild over my Blattarian strength. I guess that was way too violent. Besides, I missed playing Winning Eleven and Dynasty Warrior too much… with my brothers of course.)

I was late for second service that Sunday. I walked into the Chapel looking real burnt out. People thought it was because I hadn’t slept well. People thought I had gone somewhere else.

But that wasn’t the case. Darn it. How very nice if it had been. It wasn’t. Here’s what happened before I walked into the chapel.

I was walking to the level one water cooler when I suddenly found myself surrounded by four well-built men.

My direct superior. And three other troopers.

Flattered. They wanted me back?

“Jeshua…” The major started.

“Oh you’ve come for service today? Listen to my dad speak?” I shot back coyly.

Playing hard to get is something I do oh-so-well.

“Uh listen Jeshua,” the major continued as his face reddened. “I don’t have time for all this. We need you back badly. The central command has asked urgently for help. The BP oil spill is spreading… We can’t afford any more of that.”

Reluctant as I was to go back, this I had to hear.

“Wasn’t it an industrial accident, Major?”

“Well,” the man hesitated. “Yes and no.”

I raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Yes, people died and all. No one meant for it to happen. Yes it was… But we’ve got intelligence that it wasn’t exactly an accident… It was someone or something else… The intelligence is questionable but Obama has requested that we not let the matter rest before we’re sure.”

I did some quick thinking. So now here they were wanting me to get back into active service. Put on the camouflaged green and fight for the planet’s future once again. Well, if what they were saying was true and not some clever ploy… Then perhaps it was reason enough for me to stop studying and get back to work.

I almost said yes.

Almost.

If not for somebody who knocked some sense into me right that moment.

“Eh Carlos!” Yelled a familiar voice over the din of Sunday worshippers milling around. “This Friday. Spain versus Chile. Better not pang seh. And even if you do, Friday after next. Brazil versus Portugal. If you forget I will literally kill you ah!”

Enos strode past us all, flashing us a toothy dimpled grin.

“Eh I go service first hor, Tevez”

Some things in life are just so much more important.

I had made my choice. Peace, not war. I would no longer turn my blade over to the authorities.

“Major,” I began. “I don’t believe you need me. I will not go back and fight.”

“But Jeshua,” this time the lean trooper beside him spoke up. “We need your Blattarian strength. C’mon. The world needs you. You can’t turn your back on us like this. World peace is more important than World Cups. Look, if you really want England to win, we’ll make it happen okay? But just come back.”

“Enough is enough. If I save this world. I do it myself. Don’t mention England. They can win it themselves. From now on, I work alone”

The major stared straight into my eyes. It was an icy stare that would have cut through all but the thickest of skins.

Well, it just happens that I have the thickest of skins. It’s not a super power. It’s just me. Sometimes I think it’s more fascinating than all my powers combined.

“Miss the taste of Blattaria, major?” I returned the stare. “Don’t even make me start”.

“Let’s settle this now,” the major replied, his hand already reaching for his dagger at the waist.

“Don’t hurt innocent lives,” I said calmly. “In there.” I jerked my head in the direction of the Fellowship Hall undergoing renovation.

We strode in, all five of us.

“How fitting,” I chuckled. “On Sundays I teach naughty children a lesson or two when they make me and I do it here. Welcome to my discipline session, major. I quite miss wrestling with my kids.”

The major whipped out his dagger. He never had time for my nonsense.

“Hold this wimp down now!” His bull roar cut through the musty air of the hall like a foghorn.

The troopers grabbed their weapons. One held a night stick, one a taser and the other a pathetic wire.

The taser fired off. Hundreds of volts of electricity gushed into its victim.

(The taser causes “neuromuscular incapacitation”. In layman terms it means that the subject is unable to control himself once he is struck.)

Except that this time the subject wasn’t me. I’d dodged. The trooper holding the night stick had taken the shot for me. Aww… How sweet of him. Guess revenge for my new-found whipping boy was an obligation.

A swift blow at the trooper, sent him flying straight into where the bookshop was. Don’t you guys and gals at CM ever wonder why the Fellowship Hall is so big now? I did it! I hear that the foreman was stunned when he saw a gaping hole leading into the bookshop. None of his construction workers admitted to it, so a quick cover up took place. The whole wall was knocked down and then they carpeted the floor.

The fella with the wire came for me. I grabbed him by the arm and twirled him around with the panache of a ballerina. I floored him and knocked him out with a friendly punch to the solar plexus.

“Sorry dude. Need to borrow your wire for just a sec.”

The major advanced but with the lightning speed of a cheetah I relieved him of his dagger and had the wire around his throat.

“Ever watched Ip Man, major?” I grinned. “Well that’s because you’re a lousy fighter. You don’t quite remind me of any of those kungfu masters Ip Man beat up. Do you know who you’d be if you were in the movie honey?”

“Mmmmpppphhhh,”said the choking major.

“Wrong answer sweetie-pie. If you were in the movie you’d probably be the pathetic loser who was knocked out by the fighter who was beaten up by the man taken out by the gangster who was thrown unconscious by Ip Man’s ten year old son. That’s how lousy I think you are.”

I released my grip, letting a hundred and ninety lean pounds of failure slump to the ground in shame.

You should have seen the speed of those men as they scurried out of the church building.

Pathetic.

I glanced at my watch. Goodness. I was late. Better go for service. Sure kena scolded.

Thoughts of the day

2010-07-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

It has been some time hasn’t it?

There is no peace in the world.

Someone’s got to make it right again.

Who says I’ve got to be in the army to get it all done?

Special forces? Who needs them? Spectacular mess up, those goons.

They’re still struggling in Afghanistan, Iraq and a dozen other hot spots around the world. I’ve lent my powers to state authorities and each time I’ve exercised them, I’ve ended up regretting it.

Sinatra sings that he did it his way.

Now's my turn.

A day off

2009-06-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Alright I'm on off today, courtesy of COL Ass-Kisser. I can't mention his name here for security reasons, but just as well, Ass-Kisser is a better way to refer to him.

I've been chatting online with Daniel Li. Sorry Jon Tay and Jon Lim and Zhang Wei and Andrea and Clara. He isn't actually studying in Australia. He's currently undergoing advanced special forces training in the northern part of the Sahara. You would find him most up-to-date on legal matters though. He's taking a correspondence course paid for by the military. But law is just a front for what he really does. Don't try asking him though, he'll just say everything on this blog is utter nonsense.

Of course you would wonder why you see so many pictures of him in Australia. Blue screen again? Nawwww. Let me EDUCATE you on the truth, to borrow a word out of Aaron Lim's dictionary. (I still keep tabs on you fellas back home via advanced bugging and surveillance devices, which sends me a daily feed on all your lives).

(One of the devices is on Mr Tiew, without his prior knowledge. Don't try looking for it anyway Joseph. I assure you you'll never find it. It was a device half the size of a pill which you once unwittingly downed along with a generous helping of mee sua. It is now painlessly clinging to the wall of your small intestine, courtesy of a breakthrough in medical technology that I am not authorised to mention on this blog. Yeah, know about your biking trip too. There's a listening mechanism in that device. But each time you eat or relieve yourself it gets jammed from anything between a few minutes to a full 2 hours, depending on how much you eat. So yeah, I don't manage to hear every single thing.)

You see, what you all don't actually know is that when the Li brothers were born, they weren't twins. They were triplets. Daniel, David, Dothan. Dothan highly resembles Daniel. Daniel was selected for the special forces program practically from the time he was born. It's a long story and if you are able to, perhaps you could persuade Daniel to tell you more. I doubt anyone would be able to squeeze it out of him though. Now David and Dothan are studying in Australia. Suffice it to say that while we thought Daniel was in our midst all along at times it was really Dothan. How can we tell them apart? Well, Daniel plays only the guitar while Dothan plays only bass. But it'll be getting confusing cuz Daniel could be picking up bass and Dothan could be picking up guitar soon.

So I was talking to Daniel Li about the serum and all. Well, I am grateful for the second drug coursing through my veins at the current moment. (Yes, I can literally see it coursing through my veins, not because I have acquired X-ray vision as well, but because the liquid drug glows in the dark and I can really see the outline of my veins when the room is dark.)

The 2 bulges on my forehead have subsided. My back has subsided too. The positive effects of the serum are still with me though. But I've stopped growing any stronger. I wouldn't want to anyway.

Blattaria. Yucks. It pains me to even think of that. Do me a favour and wiki that, so that I don't have to go through the agony of mentioning what it is to you.

But I guess that explains everything. The increased speed, the increased strength, ability to survive without food and water for days on end. The severed head theory, the flying theory. The immunity to most illnesses.

I would have become a monster. Mr Tiew would have shunned me like the plague.

But as it is, I am now superhuman. I must make the most of it.

What shall I do with my powers?

Anyway, even when I return to Singapore, let me say that I will pretend that I never wrote this blog. I will tell you that everything on this blog is utter nonsense, and that it's just for laughs. So there.

Oh no, what is happening?

2009-06-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

I went on mission last night and posted this morning correct? I was so tired that I didn't even shave in the morning. Well, they told me to get all dressed up fancy for an interview with the commanding officer. Turns out that only the research department and the very top brass were given a thorough run-down on my serum. Commanding officer thinks that the research department was testing out night-alertness vitamins on me. Wanted to congratulate me on my "rapidly improving combat skills" and "recommend me for a promotion". Said that he thought I "could make general some day" and wanted to "hear bout how I hurled a guy so far, what body-building supplements I've been taking so far".

Well, I told him that the detachment commander was imagining things and that "c'mon, how could I possibly have done such a thing? No, the fella was hiding up in a tree and fell down on top of the detachment commander."

How could the man have had a story that matched the detachment commander's account? "The detachment commander was just plain tired and hallucinating. The fella was too traumatised by how he'd seen me kill his comrades..."

Soon it became obvious that he was nice to me only because top brass had made it clear that I was being ear-marked for their purposes. The ass-kisser. Just 2 weeks ago I was kiwi-ing his boots.

While I was shaving before the interview I ran my hand across my cheek. There was no bullet-graze wound. Hmmm. Curious.

They called me back to the research dept where they injected me with this weird, glowing concoction. The rather frazzled-looking white-clothed fellow was saying that it was a "stabilising anti-mutative chemical" that would "take off some of the ill-effects of the serum".

I asked the guy what ill effects. He told me not to worry, that the guinea pigs in the lab had recently developed some "complications" and died and that this chemical would prevent me from following in their footsteps.

"WHAT?? YOU MEAN THAT YOU'RE TESTING IT ON ME BEFORE THE GUINEA PIGS???"

I grabbed his arm and accidentally broke it. Ooops.

The chief scientist came in and somehow managed to calm me down. Then he explained.

"You see, none of the guinea pigs lived long enough after mutation for us to test this drug. While we have not yet developed a drug that will reverse the mutative process of the serum, we're pretty sure that this drug here can stabilise and halt further mutation at the state you're in now."

And so he injected me with what was in the syringe.

"Just a question, doc. What did the guinea pigs mutate into?"

"I'll tell you when you're ready."

"Yes I am, tell me now."

"No you're not ready."

"Yes I am"

"Bet you 10 bucks you're not"

"Deal"

"Blattaria"

"Scuse me?"

"See? You're not."

"Huh? I don't even know what the heck that is"

With a weary smile the chief scientist made his exit.

An afterthought.

2009-06-21T04:53:00.000-07:00

Alright, it's been about say 4 days since I got injected? I've now got 2 humongous bulges on my forehead, left and right. And my back is swelling up real bad too. The downsides. Hope it's just some allergy or something that will die down soon enough.

To say the mission last night went well would be an understatement. It was incredible. We were tasked to conduct a raid on a suspected anti-government militia outpost. These guys were responsible for ethnic cleansing. That means they massacre an enemy tribe's men, women and children. They are brutal and do not have the least concern for human life. They once disembowelled an informant and spilled his guts all over their own main village street for would-be traitors to see. They are feared by both their own people and the rest of the neighbouring districts.

For this reason we were sent here. (I apologise that I am unable to disclose the actual country we are in. Anyway most of you would never have heard of this place. Believe me, you can't even find it on Geo Challenge. Yes Gideon, I'm sure even you would not have heard of it.)

I remembered once having a conversation with James back in Singapore regarding his training. Needless to say I gave him this very confused and intrigued face as he explained the intricacies of artillery shelling. But I was just being polite and well, nice. I know more about explosive ordnance and military equipment than perhaps an entire company of combat engineers.

Well of course a plain day time attack with artillery blanketing the area with scores of shells and help from a few armoured vehicles would have made the whole matter a lot neater for our side! But that's what they use normal troops for.

Simply put, we weren't about to stir up a public controversy over civilian casaulties and the like. This was to be down and dirty. Night fighting with silenced Heckler and Koch MP5s, serrated combat daggers, steel tipped boots and the like.

Special forces? What special forces? Just a few unobvious shadows inflicting maximum damage. We are invisible, we are ghosts of the night we are... okay I'm getting carried away here. Pardon my release of emotions. After having pretended to be a sarge at the motor line and a out-of-course personnel for months I am forgivably relieved.

My detachment commander was instructed to put me in front of the patrol. I didn't even need to use the night vision goggles. I could see way better without them.

Thing is, on our way to our objective I smelled something. It was something foreign. And I heard things that the rest could not hear. I made the field signal to advice my detachment that I was going out to recce.

I saw the enemy way before they saw me. And there were 5 of them, waiting to ambush us. I don't know what came over me. Bloodlust like I never felt before. I crept up to the first guy from the back and slashed his throat. All he went down with was probably the feeling of something icy-cold at his neck and then a faint gurgle and the dirt of the ground in his face mired with warm, sticky blood. I then finished off the second man with a swift strike of my steel tipped boot crushing through his temple and the back of his head (yeah I know it sounds sick, and I never intended it to be so messy, but I didn't expect a single kick to be that devestating).

I've never been faster before. The third man didn't even have time to look surprised. His head was just in the moment of turning when my knife flew through his throat and back out deep into the grassy patch beyond him. Yes. It was rather disgusting, I know. I intended for the knife to be stuck in his throat, y'know, so I could sorta pull it out and keep going. I wasn't expecting it to go through. I suppose I've got to learn to control my new found strength.

The fourth man saw me, utter surprise etched over his whole face. I grabbed him even before his thumb could unlatch the safety of his Russian built AK-47 and his finger squeeze the trigger. Light as a feather. I swung him over my head behind me. Yes, I SWUNG the poor fellow away. I managed to hurl a full-grown man 10 metres away with one arm. That was crazy. I'd intended to take him out myself but my detachment commander got the shock of his life when an enemy soldier came crashing at him from the sky. The poor man was in a state of shock and surrendered without a fight.

Fight. The fifth man fought. Managed to squeeze out a single round before his weapon jammed. Pathetic. For trained terrorists and mass killers you'd actually expect better habits of weapon maintenance. Well, at least he got a round at me that grazed past my cheek. I'm not saying I like facial scars any better than anyone else, but I'm just darn grateful I didn't get a chance to test out that theory of the serum being able to keep a headless soldier alive. I grabbed his still-smoking weapon and floored him.

Now I didn't intend to, but when they examined him back in camp, he had 5 rib fractures, an open splinter fracture in his left arm and a dislocated right shoulder joint. And I'd thought that I'd been kinda gentle on him already.

Well, we took out the enemy outpost alright, in a lead hail of silenced bullets. They'd expected to get an early warning from sounds of a firefight from that ambush that I took out. But woe, alas, it was not to be. Yes, I feel like quoting Macbeth sarcastically, but I shall not succumb to the temptation. JC education was just for fun, I'd already been talent-scouted for the special forces since secondary school days anyway, since the day I beat up this giant of a bully in school, but that story's for another time.

Our commanding officer was ecstatic to hear that the entire patrol came back unscathed. That's been a rather rare occurence these last 2 months.

You would have thought I'd be celebrating after all this. But I just made an excuse of my bullet-grazed cheek and sat down alone in my bunk as the rest were exchanging high-fives and pats on the back in the debriefing room.

I looked at my hands, thought about the blood I had shed and the tremendous strength and razor-sharp senses I now possess. Yes, I am a professional soldier, but that does not mean I actually like to kill people. I do it so that those who do not deserve to be killed remain alive. Yet I felt more than a tinge of regret and disgust at the lust for blood when I was fighting the enemy.

I gingerly rubbed my throbbing forehead and glanced at my back in the mirror. Dude, those things on my back aren't exactly a chiselled trapezius. They're freaky.

Then I took a hot bath and hit the bed, too tired to talk to anybody. I fell deep asleep in dreamless slumber, with my pink-shirted teddy bear tucked snugly beside me.

Don't tell anyone I have a teddy bear.

OK, at least not a pink-shirted one.

Effects of the serum: Day 2

2009-06-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't really sleep. Tossed and turned in bed. I felt like I wanted to go out for a little run. But it was dark outside and movement at such hours is strictly prohibited.

I seem to be able to see better and better at night. I mean, I could literally see, not just hear this mosquito which was bothering me in the dark. Of course I finished it off rather easily.

I tried my 2.4 this morning. I hit 5:57. Faster than ever before. The research dept got me to try holding my breath. 6:32. Goodness, this stuff is way cool.

I tried my hand at weightlifting today. Bench pressed 300 pounds with surprising ease. I used to struggle with 130 pounds.

The sunlight just seems to be getting more and more irritating though, perhaps I should get my eyes checked out. Mental note: Play less DOTA?

People around here are getting quite sick these days. Think it's the weather around these parts. I know the H1N1 flu has hit you guys back in Singapore quite hard. Thankfully these parts are quite free from that. My entire bunk is down with some common flu. Usually I'd succumb quite fast to it, but now I don't feel sick in the least. Could it be the serum?

Tomorrow I'll be out on a special mission. So special and secretive it appears, that even I won't be briefed till one hour before I leave the base. Perhaps I shall get to try out my new powers in actual combat.

They say the effects of the serum takes between 3 to 5 days to manifest.

I'm having a sharp pain in my back today. And my temples are throbbing at 2 points too. Perhaps I worked out a bit too hard today. Hmm. Nothing much to do today in terms of ops. I'm heading back to my bunk for a good afternoon nap. It's much too annoyingly sunny anywhere else.

Lowell or any other smart person, if you're reading can you hurry up and tell me what the wording on the vial meant?

Effects of the serum: Day 1

2009-06-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with the most amazing feeling.

I don't feel hungry at all, which for me is rather weird, but okay, I guess that's a good thing.

When I ran this morning I clocked 2.4 klicks in less than 7 minutes. Which is like woah, the best I ever clocked before that was 7:30. Yeah, you guys all heard my story, 2.4 slightly over 10 minutes. Sorry fellas, could not have revealed the truth at that point in time.

When I took a dip at the training pool this morning I managed to stay underwater for 4 whole minutes.

Perhaps somehow the serum has made me mentally stronger too. When we sifted through garbage to try to find a hostile at the rubbish dump this afternoon the whole team was holding their noses at the smell. I didn't even flinch. It seemed... normal.

Hated it when the hot sun came up in the afternoon though. Perhaps I shall become a fairer skinned person like my buddy Tai Yong back in Singapore.

Oooh yes, one thing I picked up in the garbage this morning. Was thinking perhaps I could ask Jing Yang or perhaps some other smart person like Andrea or maybe Caleb who's gonna study science what it means. Ah, Lowell, you're just the guy!

I'm rather certain I saw the same vial containing the serum. Just that the letters were in fine print and when I was under general anaesthesia I couldn't really make them out.

Here's the wording.

Homo-Blattarian Supremus (Test Batch XVI)

Okay gonna catch forty winks before I go for a little run later in the evening. Man, this serum rocks, whatever it is. Felt like asking the scientist, "This is good stuff man, where'd you get it?"

Decision made

2009-06-18T00:01:00.001-07:00

Alright, I know it's risky and I don't know what my mom and dad back in Singapore would say, but I've given my greenlight to the research dept. I know that it's a pretty quick decision, but still, I've committed myself to the program. Today I signed my name on the dotted line. I have crossed the Rubicon. They're gonna inject the serum into me in 45 minutes.

To my dear family and friends, I wish you well. All these military programs are never fully developed. You never know whether or not there'll be any adverse side effects.

If anything happens to me... nah I doubt it. But what is more likely are character changes for an indeterminate period of time. For example, I might actually start to wear tight-fitting clothes, I might start to spike my hair, I might stop playing computer games, I might start becoming an expert in Chinese...

Ick, those thoughts gross me out.

A brief explanation. And a moral/ethical dilemma

2009-06-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

Alright, I do suppose I need to explain the nefariousness and pompousness clearly displayed in my open letter. No, I still simply refuse to send any such pictures back home. But I have no lack of a good reason for what many would term as a rude tone. You see, I've been losing much sleep at night on this matter. Allow me to explain.

You see, my unit up here has been taking a few hard hits from the enemy lately. My unit's research department was tasked a couple of years back to increase the hardiness of special forces troopers. They now have what they confidently claim to be a helluva plan. And top brass has shown unprecedented enthusiasm in testing out this plan on the first human test subject.

As my unit's foremost warrior (at least that's what they're telling me these days. Perhaps I am just dispensable to them? No, no, Jeshy, you ARE the best), they naturally want to inject this serum into my bloodstream. I have yet to give them my decision. But the suggested benefits of this serum are rather attractive to a fighter like myself. Roughly a fivefold increase in strength, incalculable increases in hardiness and survivability in almost all environments. If it works out, I'll be able to go on days without food and water. I'll also have greatly increased night vision. The good scientists in the research department also tell me that I'll be immune to most diseases known to mankind. Common cold etc etc. I'll never have to cough again or thumb my nose while I sniff. I'll also be able to survive a nuclear fallout. How's that sound to all of you?

Of course my better senses tell me that there will be some downsides to the abovementioned serum. The research department says that any undesirable effects are merely hearsay.

Well, if hearsay is anything to go by, the word travelling around the camp is that this serum holds more benefits than detriments. Some of the crazier stories I've heard say that this serum can enable me to fly for short periods of time. Haha, want to know the weirdest I've heard? They say a person injected with this serum will be able to live without his head for a couple of days. Now how's that sound? Not that I'd want my head to be blasted off though. Yucks, that would be rather grotesque wouldn't it?

As far as I'm concerned, this is a moral/ ethical dilemma. But it's no longer about myself, my actions could change the course of the situation in these parts.

Dear Mr Tiew

2009-06-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

One question persistently beseeches my beleaguered mind for an answer. Do you never pause to question the sheer ludicrousness of your requests? A terrorist is still a human being and deserves basic human dignity. You would do well to imagine the look of incredulity upon my face as my mind processed the ignominy of your suggestion.

And so if I have by any chance not made myself clear upon this point, no, I will not be sending you any such violent, hate-filled pictures of pockmarked cadavers.

But since you so demand some form of pictorial gratification lest you declare yourself hors de combat in your noble endeavours, I shall dignify you with the next most suitable answer.

http://www.justpoo.com/camel.html

Surely we have now come to a compromise, no? I cannot but say that if by sending you this picture you are still not satisfied, there is nothing more that I can do.

Toodle-oo

Jeshy's first post? Can you believe it?

2009-06-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

Do you actually know what it's like to be me? To have to straddle 2 identities at one time? The civilised world knows me as Jesh. They know me as a dude who's waiting for university to begin. As some DOTA playing guy. But those who really know me recognise that it's all just a facade.

Many things have happened in my life recently. Things that make me proud and yet things that I cannot talk about.

December 2003. Saddam Hussein's capture. U.S. troops who did it? Bullshit, it was me.

2008. Rumours of possible assassination attempts of U.S. president Obama and yet nothing happening in the end. Just a happy coincidence. You believe it? That was me.

April 1 2009. Mas Selamat's capture. A cross-border joint intelligence effort? Yeah, right. It was me.

You think I'm really in Europe right now? Think again.

How about the photos that you saw on Facebook. Me, in Europe? Bluescreen technology settled that way too easily.

I've been trying to hunt down terrorists, for goodness' sake. And all Mr. Tiew can ever think of asking me for are photos. C'mon, whaddaya want me to do? Send you photos of dead terrorists in camouflage uniforms, with bullet holes all over? Send you a picture of the camel poo me and the other guys from the patrol stepped on while on a mission in Cairo? Would you really think I would send you such stuff to show the kids back home? Be content with the doctored images of me standing by the lake in Windemere and the buildings in Chester, okay?

And besides, you really should start fetching the guys home.

Yes, yes Wayne Heng, you find all this very funny do you not? You think I rather be here on assignment than staying over at your place, eating up all your err, I mean, dining with you? That was good stuff man, where did you get all that?

Aaron Lim. Been missing your bro the past few days have you not? Yeah, I know that the whole world thinks that he's at some SU camp. Well, yeah true , but the real reason for that little trip up north was for him to pass me 2 things which are extremely precious to me. My striped Saint Andrew's shirt with a tear at the sleeve and the dirty yellow t-shirt. Yes, I don't know how I could have gone on assignment without those 2.

Lowell, Caleb, Tai Yong. Sorry that I have not been able to join you for the last 2 hammock nights. After having spent the last few weeks here in an internet cafe playing... I mean, with the rest of the troopers on the most dangerous assignments, I have come to realise I really should spend more time with you guys.

Tai Yong, I'm most sorry that I haven't been keeping in contact with you k? I'll sponsor the entire upcoming hammock night. And dude, you really should start playing DOTA.

Okay, okay, that's all I have for now. Oh yeah, Jeremy Leong, and Jon Tay, happy birthday. Will treat you both to Jem's favourite Roxy Ban Mian once I get back k?

To Gideon, Jon Lim, Kirk sisters, Jing Yang and all others I may have forgotten to mention since I have been so stressed DOT... I mean er... DOING MISSIONS for the good of the human race. All the best. See you soon. Continue tagging yeah?

P.S. Jing Yang, btw, it was really me who borrowed your helmet, sorry I didn't have time to tell you. My last helmet was used to cook maggi. It was lost when the enemies launched a surprise attack on us. Those @#$%@#$% people. They took all my maggi! Well, I meant the helmet. Yeah, hope to return yours soon. It offers better cookin... I mean maggi... I mean protection, ah yes, that's the word, than my last helmet.